Letting go
by jenna's last jam
Summary: Sometimes the things that go unsaid, speak the loudest.
1. Chapter 1

Blah, blah blah I own nothing.

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Will Schuster counted the number of times he had been kicked within the past forty -five minutes. He was up to 16.

SLAM

Make that 17.

Will had heard about people kicking in their sleep, but he never imagined that it could be so forceful. Especially from the tiny blonde package that was in bed next to him. Terri never kicked when she was asleep. She just slept there like a lifeless doll. Little did he know that behind that innocent facade, lived a woman that could destroy his hopes and dreams in an instant. He wondered where Terri was. Her parents, he assumed. He hadn't run into her around town, but he slightly missed seeing her face.

He closed his eyes and remembered his high school self. Awkward, zit faced, but hopeful. He had hit an awkward growth spurt over the summer, so he felt a little bit like the Jolly Green Giant. He hoped that he could find a club to join at school; something that would give him a purpose. His mom had dropped him off early, so he had time to get acquainted with his new surroundings. An already covered bulletin board caught his attention, and he began surveying the possible paths he could take.

There were posters for the language clubs, the AV club, star wars club. Hermit crab club? _I guess anything is possible in high school_, he thought.

The halls were beginning to fill with students. He looked at a few and realized that some had beards. His heart sank as he realized that he was in the upperclassman wing, with two minutes to find his own hall and classroom.

"Well aren't you a big ole ray of sunshine!" Will looked around, but couldn't find the source of the voice. "Down here, Tommy Tune."

Will looked down to find a short blonde girl, who he assumed was a senior. Her hair was blown out, and she looked as if she walked out of a Prep School. Her only source of edge was the black nail polish she wore on her fingernails, but that was chipping.

"You a tranny?"

"A what?" Will was legitimately confused. No wonder so many people dropped out of high school, he couldn't even understand the students.

"A transfer" She said more pronounced. She rolled her eyes and produced a pink flyer from her bag. With a swift motion she stole the tack from the Fencing flyer, and replaced it with one for,

"Glee club?"

He had expected fashion club, or maybe even a seminar on the correct usage of Peroxide. But Glee? This had to be a joke.

"You wanna make something of it?" She raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow. "Just so you know, pretty boy, our little 'Glee Club' has won nationals for the past three years. And it's the incredulous attitudes of little.." She looked him up and down and saw a school map folded in his right hand and nodded at it, "Little freshman like you, that inspire us to perform even better."

The bell rang. He was late.

"Was that the…"

"Down the hall and on the left!" She shouted as she glided down the hallway and into a mob of football players. Will leaned up to the flyer and read it.

ARE YOU A SINGER? DO YOU IDOLIZE JUDY, BARBRA OR BETTE? THEN YOU BELONG IN THE MCKINLEY HIGH GLEE CLUB! 10 TIME NATIONAL CHAMPIONS. INFORMATIONAL MEETING SEPTEMBER 10TH, 3PM AUDITORIUM.

He looked even closer at the bottom.

PRESIDENT AND SPOKESWOMAN - APRIL RHODES.

He copied the date and time down on his schedule and scurried down the hallway and to the left to the freshman classrooms.

The auditorium had an odd smell to it. It smelled like his grandma's house in Trenton. The smell of dying spider plants, moth balls and… gin?

Will looked down and saw April passing by. She didn't look up at him, only ahead. She was on a mission. Like twenty five other freshman, Will sat awkwardly in the front row of the auditorium wondering what he got himself into. April hopped onto the stage (with the assistance of a hunky junior Will would later know as Louis) and glided into the wings. The twenty five freshman soon realized that this wasn't going to be an ordinary information meeting. April returned onstage in a full length black gown with sequined black gloves that held an equally sparkly microphone.

"Hey Sam!" She yelled to someone in the back of the auditorium. "Hit me with a pink spotlight!" Will heard a loud lever switch from the back of the auditorium. When his eyes returned to the stage, April had been transformed. She was no longer the pushy senior he met in the hall, or the girl who smelled slightly of alcohol and pheromones. She was some kind of organism whose only purpose in life was to entertain. And boy was she good at it. Will didn't recognize the song at first, but then he remembered his mom listening to it on the radio when he was a kid.

_"Do you believe in life after love?"_

April sang with such honesty that Will actually began wondering if there was life after love. Then he wondered if he would ever even fall in love. He turned to his left to see if the other kids were feeling April's performance as much as he was. Some were awkward shuffling papers, some were surveying the auditorium, and a handful were completely transfixed. One girl especially. She had blonde hair, not as blonde as April's, more of a dirty blonde. She didn't have braces, or pimples, or even glasses. Will had been looking to older women for perfection, when there was a girl who fit the bill in his very own grade. He zoned out as a barrage of glee kids poured onto stage asking the same question. "_Do you believe in life after love?_". He assumed there had been a lot of glitz, a lot of glamour and a lot of choreography, but all he could focus was on the girl four seats in.

When the hunky junior from earlier jumped onstage and took April into a lift, the girl twirled her hair. Hunky boy winked back. It was then Will noticed the girl's notebook.

TERRI + LOUIS = TRUE LOVE

She was taken.

Of course she was taken.

Dejected, Will gathered his bags and made a b-line for the exit. He didn't even care about watching the rest of the performance. He didn't care about Glee. He didn't care about high school. The only thing he cared about was his bed and a nice nap.

April watched as the back auditorium door opened and closed. No one ever walked out on her during a performance. Ever. She finished the song to much applause (of course) and jumped ran out of the wings. There was a back hallway that connected the stage to the auditorium lobby, so April was out like a shot. After dodging a few costume racks and a pair of stage hands making out, she found Will. He was pacing with his head in his hands. He looked as if he had the world on his shoulders. April took her gloves off and balled them up in her hands. She had mentally prepared what she was going to say. How dare he leave? What was there to do that he had to leave right that second? But all she could say was,

"Was it bad?" Will whipped around, he hadn't even noticed her there.

"Uh.. pardon?"

"My performance." She walked closer and closer to Will. "Was it bad?" It took him a minute to register what was going on. And the he realized, she was talking to HIM. And she was even being sincere!

"Oh, uh, no! It was spectacular!"

She took another step closer.

"The why did you leave?" She reminded Will of a lost puppy. Her eyebrows were raised almost to her hairline.

"I just." He was lost. April clearly did not want to hear about his love life problems. There was no doubt in his mind that April had smooth sailing in the relationship department. "It's nothing… A girl…" He mumbled. She stepped back and put her hands on her hips.

"Well lookie, here. Little freshman's got a big ole crush on the senior with a bad reputation."

"No! No!" April retracted. She crossed her arms and felt a little embarrassed.

"Well you didn't have to yell…uh.."

"Will."

"Right. You didn't have to yell Will."

"Look i'm really sorry. It's just there's a girl.. who is my age… and well."

"Ohh I gotcha. Got yourself some lady trouble and it's only the first week! You must be some kind of playa huh?" She gave him a playful punch in the ribs, but he was more fragile than she had thought.

"Ow." He winced and grabbed his side.

"Oh quit your crying ya little baby. This is only your first week of high school." She turned around and walked to the auditorium door. "The pain has just begun." And with a smile, she was gone. Will gathered all the courage he could muster, and followed her into the auditorium.

"As you all know," April began "Glee is.." She looked off into the distance "well Glee.." Will wondered if those were actual tears, or if she was just a good actress. "Glee is everything we do. Glee is what we breathe, what we eat, what we even sleep!" She winked at about every guy in the Glee club. It wasn't a question that she had gotten to at least 2nd base with each and every one of them. "So if you are chosen to be a member of the McKinley High Glee club, know that you are in for the greatest ride of your life." Members of the Glee club started whooping and low chant began. Will smiled, he wanted to be a part of something. He wanted to be in this club if it would kill him.

"Auditions will begin next week. Prepare a 32 bar cut of a musical theatre or pop piece. Something that showcases your pipes and shows us some personality. Sign ups will be posted tomorrow morning." Everyone began shuffling and talking. "Tell your friends!" April yelled over the small roar. She smiled and turned off her microphone. She disappeared into the wings once more, and Will wondered if he should wait for her. But as soon as he went to make his move, he saw another blonde out of the corner of his eye. He was only four steps behind her when the hunky Glee boy swept her up into his arms. He awkwardly turned around and tried to make it to the other door, but there was a roadblock.

"Oh, hey April." April craned her neck to see what Will had just been pursuing.

"Hiya Will." She said with a wink. "Looks like someone's got a crush on a taken girl." He tried to refute, but all he could say was,

"Guilty."

"Well. If my inkling is correct, that couple won't be a couple much longer."

"What makes you say that?" She may have been slightly evil, but it was quite tempting for Will.

"Well." She looked over at the couple. She had her hands around his neck, but his eyes were wandering. "I'll just say, that he isn't as.. _hopelessly devoted _as she is." She gave a little wave and he gave back a quick wink. Will was floored. Who was this girl? Is this really what people did in high school? He watched as Louis took Terri's hand and took her to the back of the auditorium. April grabbed Will's shirt sleeve and pulled him close to her. "Give them two days."

Sure enough, it only took two days before Terri and Louis broke up. Rumors bounced throughout the halls, but nothing was ever concrete. Terri just cited irreconcilable differences.

Will began waiting, patiently. He was always at Glee rehearsal if she needed a shoulder to cry on, or a hand to hold. Soon, they were inseparable. Will's mind jumped around years, the engagement, the marriage, the honeymoon. It went by faster than he could have imagined, and before he knew it, he was back at McKinely High, older and perhaps wiser.

He rolled on his side and saw the small blonde breathing beside him. Her mascara was smudged and she seemed to be frowning in her sleep. They had both been through a lot in their lives, and he knew that there was a lot that neither of them wanted to remember.

Will closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was done with the past. He wanted to focus on things with the glee kids and with Emma. April stirred, but she remained asleep. He wondered if he could get away with touching her hair, or maybe just her hand. He simply couldn't believe that she was with him. But at the same time Will had never felt so alone.


	2. Chapter 2

April had a very specific night time routine. She would have a glass of water, brush her teeth and say a prayer. Very rarely did April pray for herself. Even though her life was far from ideal, she knew that people had it much worse. She didn't go to church as much as she wished, but she knew that God was always in her heart, and that He always had her back. When she closed her eyes, the first face she saw was his. This was the same every night, and every morning. Michael's smile floated into every crevice of her soul, filling her with happiness that she found no where else. Sometimes, she talked to him. Told him about her day, her fears, her dreams. She imagined what he would say back, if he would be angry with her, or proud of her. But the April in bed next to Will Schuster in Lima, Ohio was a lot different from the April that Michael had known.

It was one of those nights where April let herself drift back into her memories. She wasn't sure if it was because she didn't have alcohol clouding her mind, or if it was because there was someone to comfort her if she woke up screaming.

Michael was tall, and had dark hair. He took showers in the morning, and always drank his coffee black. April loved everything about him.

They met in a coffee shop in the outskirts of Toledo. April was broke, and broken hearted. She was nineteen and her plan of making it big in New York dried up as fast as her cash supply. She was down to her last four dollars and knew that if things didn't change soon, she'd have to go back to Lima and face her parents once again.

The door jingled and she took another sip of her cheap coffee with four sugars. The summer was a distant memory, and most of her high school friends were off at college. Instead of taking classes in musical theatre history and music theory she was sitting alone with all of her belongings in a duffel by her feet. Another voice ordered a drink

"Can I uh.."

She waved the voice into the empty booth. The coffee shop was crowded, and she didn't mind having some company. The man sat down, but she remained focused on her rapidly depleting cup of coffee.

"This weather's pretty… uh." April shifted her attention to the table and then to the voice. He looked awkward, but cute. And then he smiled. April smiled too.

April woke with a shock. Mascara residue clouded her eyes and she was lost. She rolled to her right and saw a mess of curly brown hair beside her. She reached out and touched it. Will Schuster. It was only Will. She was in his apartment, and in his bed. She rubbed her temples and took a deep breath.

Michael returned. It didn't take long for April to fall in love with him. He was twenty and financially stable. He gave April a place to live and never asked any questions. For once in her life she actually felt like she had a home.

But of course, all things must come to an end.

April woke again. The clock read 2:57. Will had rolled toward her, but he was still a safe distance away. She liked Will. She liked him in the way you admire someone on television or in an underwear ad. She didn't want to marry him, or even go out on a date with him, because she knew that he wasn't Michael. She had spent the eight years acting as if he was just going to walk through the door, and everything would be okay.

They had their bad times, as does every couple. But April knew that they would muster through. She wasn't going to fall into her family's tradition of quick marriages and quick divorces. So when a ring appeared during her 25th birthday dinner, she was hesitant.

"Michael.. I just."

"April, you know that I would never leave you, it's been six years and i'm still here."

Six years? April felt like it had been only a few months. Time had flown, but she was okay with it. She knew that she was still young, but Michael was financially stable, and she had a part time job at the local credit union and a dozen or so vocal students. They weren't kids anymore.

She quickly said yes. She obviously wanted to spend everyday with him. Michael didn't care that April's CD collection consisted of original Broadway cast recordings, or that her nose whistled when she slept. She loved the way that he took care of her. April hadn't cried seriously in years. He was her protector, her rock.

"Michael, you can't go." April squeezed the engagement ring on her finger. There was a lump in her throat and in her chest.

"April. I have no choice."

"But Michael you do! You don't have to go!" She tugged on his sleeve like a child would. The tears came just as easily as the love did, staining her shirt and her cheeks.

The news broadcasts had nothing friendly to say. Replay after replay, it was embedded into all of their minds. They had to grieve quickly and begin to rebuild. But for some, the grieving had only just begun.

It was 5:06, an alarm was ringing, and April was crying. Will had made it halfway to the shower when he heard her sobs.

"April? April are you okay?"

He stroked her blonde hair with his strong hands. She realized that she was awake, and that she was a mess. The face behind the blur was becoming clearer.

"Oh God, Will. I'm so sorry." She began to furiously wipe her face.

"No, no April it's okay. Do you want some tissues?" She waved him off, but then changed her mind.

"Actually, that would be fantastic." She sat up and wiped her eyes with her eyes until will returned with a box of Kleenex. Will climbed in bed next to her a pulled a hand full of tissues from the box.

"Wow, April, I didn't realize I was that bad of a host."

April laughed and dabbed her eyes. Will examined the woman in his bed. She wasn't the belting alcoholic that he had known since High School. She wasn't a rock, and she wasn't a villain. She looked scared and helpless. Will took her in his arms.

"Do you.. want to talk about it?" April looked at his arms. They were beefy, like a Disney Prince. His face was genuinely concerned and his embrace was warm. She kicked herself for passing him off as a useless Freshman all of those years ago. As safe as she felt, she couldn't bring herself to talk about Michael. The wounds were still too fresh.

"No if that's okay. I just.." Will held her closer. Being held by a man wasn't new to April, obviously, but it had been some time since someone who genuinely cared about her was so close. Not since Michael…

"You should probably.." She nodded toward the shower. As much as she loved being cuddled, she didn't want to mess up his routine. The kids counted on him, and she didn't want to mess that up.

"Are you sure?" She looked into his amber eyes and resisted the urge to tell him every secret she ever had.

"Yeah, go ahead. I'm really okay." She blew her nose again, and he kissed the crown of her head.

Will grabbed a towel from the linen closet and let the shower warm up. April began to gather her things, but somehow ended up back on the bed.

"April? She was facedown with her arms sprawled out.

"It was Afghanistan, Will." Her eyes were rimmed with red again. She wasn't crying. She looked angry.

Will turned off the shower and joined April on the bed. He didn't say anything. He merely held her when she began to sob.


End file.
